DOA! (Dead on Awakening)
Amidst the mayhem and drama of 2017, where my life as I knew it fell into an unrecognizable shambles, the universe or this ‘god’ thing, threw an extra bit of juice in the blender, an extra spoke in the wheel of my evolving consciousness. There is a belief that I seem to have that whatever is here, is arising for my highest good, to keep me present, wake me up from complacency and get me home to the Self. I like to simplify these wake up calls under the title of the “triple D’s“: Death, Divorce and Diagnosis.
The Triple D’s offer ample scope to direct your awareness deep into the core of your Truth, and if recognized as such, are usually the greatest gifts along our evolutionary paths.
Apparently Divorce alone wasn’t enough. Death of all that I knew my life to be, myself to be, my identity deceased. DOA! (Dead on Awakening)! Not enough!
Because I am so lucky and such a good student ;-), I got to get a Diagnosis thrown into the mix of a really challenging year. In May last year, after much testing and investigation, I was diagnosed with glaucoma. Now it’s not the worst diagnosis you can get out there in the field of the Triple D’s. Although treatable if caught early enough, it is incurable, degenerative and if left untreated, the pressure on the optical nerve will lead to loss of peripheral vision and then blindness. Not great, right?
My ophthalmologist may have assumed me to be crazy, and you, dear reader may agree, but I asked him to give me some time before starting medical treatment. My response to the diagnosis, was, to say: Listen, I have something in my pocket that you don’t, the ability through the release of emotional blocks to heal the body naturally. I was actually elated as I came home to share the news with my loved ones. There amidst the shock of the diagnosis was a palpable excitement that the universe was offering my eyes as my own little laboratory of Self. I have a chance to be my own little guinea pig and see if I could actually heal something this big for myself. This seemed like a generous gift from Shiva and the Gods of destruction and transformation, that like to see me awaken through letting some shit hit the fan. No impending death pressure, some time and space on my hands and off I went to put my money where my eyes are.
If you know me a bit you will know that I am pretty much focused on being present, on healing and on awakening to the Self. Everything else seems black and white in the wake of the technicolor of Self realization. I spent the last couple of decades learning various healing modalities, yoga and then some and came some years ago to the Journey work that was utterly life transformational. At the time I met Brandon Bays and the Journey work, my sister was terminally ill, with the clock ticking and no plan B. The Journey became her plan B and within 7 weeks she was utterly healed of lung and brain cancer and remains so to this day.
That seriously got my attention and I dove head first into healing, to experience a series of miraculous healings. Tumours would disappear after days, sometimes seconds, bones would grow, pains mysteriously disappear, warts, cysts and back ache seemed to be gone. It was and is a miracle fest and I am gobsmacked in the face of it. So much so that my life path diverted somewhat and healing and deepening into this that heals became how I spend my days and some nights. I once joked, that if I would get a tattoo, it would read:
Be realistic, plan for a miracle!
My certainty for the miraculous to unfold was immutable. At least for my clients and beloveds.
And then my diagnosis…amidst a whole lot of chaos and life change, seemed like a lot of work and it fell on the back burner as I tried to pick up the pieces of shamble that resembled what I used to call life. It was easy for me to facilitate others in their own healing path, but there was something jarring when it came to giving myself the time and attention to do the work to release the emotional blocks behind the glaucoma.
I made sure that I got some Journey processes, I stayed finely tuned in to what I used to call a spiritual practice but to what I now call, ‘sitting on my ass, shutting the fuck up and going deep inside of myself’, home to the truth of my being. Throw in a few prayers and that was pretty much it.
This ‘truth of your being’ business doesn’t sound like much. But when one meets this that is the source of Self, this infinite emptiness that has no limit, but presents as pure love, peace, stillness, omniscience, divinity…no words can encapsulate this meeting of Self or God or Truth. In the union with this, healing is accessible, inevitable. And it is available here and now. Here is is the God-like Self, the Infinite Self that does what is needed to be done. It is epiphanic as it shows from the perspective of omniscience, the bigger picture.
My bigger picture revealed that my eyes were manifesting my fear of really seeing what I didn’t yet have the courage to see. And when this readiness to truly SEE arose, so this pressure was able to subside.
And so it did. My peripheral vision well and truly expanded.
And you know, for someone on the brink of a really bad tattoo, I noticed some palpable doubt arise about my ability to manifest my own miraculous healing as I sat yesterday morning at the ophthalmologist’s office. Until the doctor’s diagnosis was spoken:
No. There is no glaucoma. Your eyes are fine.
DOA. Dead on awakening. Doubt, fear, blocks, all gone. All the obstacles to full optimal health and well being obviated! Perhaps the universe is ready for me to really see. To open into a greater vision of Truth.
Let’s all wait and SEE!
Sat Nam and excited yelps of delight!