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I am free…

My daughter was probably three years old. She and my father would play for hours. She would be the waitress, the doctor, the maître D’. My father would indulge her every game, role-playing along in various accents and scenarios. This one particular day, they were playing the role of teacher-student. My father was giving Tia a test. He would ask her a question and she would scribble an answer (scribble being the operative response as at three years old she couldn’t yet write anything other than a semblance of a letter or two, kribbel krabbel we called it in Flemish). I remember my father’s questions to her…How deep is the ocean? She would scribble out the answer. How high is the sky? Lyrics from one of his favourite songs were his questions, her answers then put to page. How much do I love you…

At the end of the ‘test’ I was asked to be the examiner and to mark the test paper. I took the few pages of kribbel krabbel, and ticked various ‘answers’ playing along with the game. I then turned the page and noticed clearly amidst the scrawl, the words: “I am free.”


I was amazed. There was nothing intelligible save a few random child-like letters that showed a child’s learning in process. And then in the middle of the pages, these cursive words “I am free.”


I lost my brother 20 years ago. His life had been a deep struggle characterized by mental illness, tragedy and an unexpected and seemingly untimely death. Six weeks after he passed, he appeared to my mother in the space between wakefulness and sleep. She reached up to him and he said to her, “I stepped out of my body and into freedom.” This message and its timing had allowed us to feel the perfection of his passing. It allowed for the recognition of the incarceration of the body and the release of the form into freedom on death. When I read Tia’s play-play test results, it felt to me like my brother Shaul had spoken through Tia to say that he is free and that his spirit remains omnipresent and eternal. And that the fact that he had died five years before her birth didn’t preclude their interconnection as well as continued communication and contact with us.

And then tonight, something caught my eye from the inside flap of the book I am reading. The book, ‘Papaji: Amazing Grace’ by Premananda is a series of interviews with disciples of Papaji (Sri H.W. J Poonja) who was a disciple of Ramana Mahrshi, both of whom I am in deep connection with. There was this picture of his writing, these three singular words:


I have no knowing of anything at all. This is pretty much the only knowing I have. Yet this felt like a message to me coming to me in a moment, where I needed reminding of the freedom that I am. Something in me makes me wonder if it was not Papaji who wrote those words all those years ago through Tia. Something whispers that Shaul, Papaji, Freedom. Same, same. And the lyrical perfection of timing gives us the divine messaging just at the moments we need to hear them. Right when we need to remember the truth. The truth of freedom. The freedom of truth. That we are all free. That the shackles of the body and mind are simply illusory separations from our essential freedom. That I am free.

Both Papaji and Shaul passed in September, just before the Jewish New Year.

In gratitude to Shaul Forman who stepped out of his body and into freedom exactly 20 years ago.

In memory of Papaji who took mahasamadhi and left form for formlessness exactly 19 years ago.

In reverence to the One that is Infinite, Eternal and Free.

And to the recognition of that One within us all and to the freedom that is our essential nature.

I am that.

I am Free.

Om Namah Shivaya


Sat Nam and love,


September 2016


On Healing

In connection with the Infinite all healing is available, we can tap into the reservoir of healing, manifest the miraculous and remember that this body, mind, spirit that carries your essence is always whole, healthy, holy and healed. All that we shall do together is be reminded that all is healed already. And let body, mind and spirit follow! It requires one simplicity: connection to the innate infinite essence.

Nicki Forman


The body is a healing machine! Its capacity is to heal from anything irrespective of what the mind might misguide us to believe. This is not a delusional idea that I hold. It is my direct experience through my own body as well as through clients, family and friends who are able to tap into the portal to this healing.

This portal is not an inaccessible, hidden doorway that is available only to some. This portal is accessed through a simple shift of identification. In general our identification is with our bodies, our mind and its array of fluctuating, incessant thought processes. We identify with the finite, tangible aspects of self. We do this by force of conditioning that happens mostly immediately, from when we are already in utero. I am this child, name, gender, role, religion, type of person. I am this “…” construct which can be filled in with limitless labels. I am this body, these thoughts, these emotions. In fact many of them are not even ours. They are imbibed through conditioning and ancestral and social inheritance.

In truth we come into form as pure, infinite consciousness. Satchidananda: Truth, Consciousness, Bliss. Yet almost immediately as we incarnate into form, we unconsciously limit this pervasive awareness into bounded construct. These constructs create an illusory chasm that somehow conceals our true essence as Satchidananda. Our identification with body, form and self mesmerizes our attention to the mind and its thought processing. These thoughts become cemented as beliefs, notions of reality and petrified ideas of who we are, how we operate in this world and in fact what this world is.  Our thoughts morph into our word, into action and become our reality.

As emotional beings, we identify with thoughts and their instruments of action, the emotions, and by nature of our humanity, emotional blocks ensue. These blocks manifest into physical form as dis-ease, illness, abundance issues, and obstacles to love, work, creativity and so on. The expression of the emotional block is just the flavor of the moment. Its manifestation may be subtle like a cold, a skin rash or headache. Or it might be stronger, more alarming as depression, chronic illness, auto immune dysfunction, or the all time favorite flavor in history, cancer. Its guise is less important. Equally insignificant is its likelihood of healing. The pimpled teenager and the terminal patient share the same commonality: the propensity to heal miraculously, irrespective of medical prognosis.

This healing may take place at two conceivable levels. The first is cellular. We experience an emotion which is repressed, codifying the cell with this new memory. The cell then replicates with this information which leads to various manifestations. When we begin the process of healing, the emotional blockage stored in a cell is identified, released and cleared. The cell is then free to replicate devoid of this old cellular coding. However long the organ/part affected needs for its cells to replicate, will be how long the cellular healing will take to be fully effected.

My sister Kim’s healing is a magnificent example of cellular healing. She was terminally ill with tumors in the lungs and brains that were non responsive to medicine. She given a few months to weeks left to live. Within seven sessions of Journey work, she was completely cancer free. The cells free of the old patterning replicated healthily. She remains cancer free today.

The second level of healing is spontaneous healing. These are those healings that may merit a shout of ‘Hallelujah’ simply for their incredulity and miraculousness. Here there is instantaneous healing. One where the disease or block immediately vanishes. This facet of healing has no empirical basis to placate the rational mind. It’s the skeptic’s worst nightmare or best persuader. It’s where the miracle of healing is thrust into view. And it’s fucking magnificent!

My personal experience of this was when my father was diagnosed with a tumor on his heart that was, irrespective of its malignancy or benignity, threatening to implode. Within minutes of healing, the medical echography showed that a 5,2 cm tumor was no longer there, having miraculously disappeared. Skeptics, eat my dirt! My father at almost 81 continues to be the embodiment of the miraculous. He is proof of spontaneous healing in action.

To access either cellular or spontaneous healing requires one simplicity: connecting to the Infinite. What the heaven is that, you might wonder? The Infinite indeed is our quintessence, our intrinsic nature. It is the Source of being beneath the barrage of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, identifications and conditioning. Our nature as this Infinite has a bouquet of possible fragrances: Truth, Love, Omniscience, Omnipotence, Abundance, Joy, Light, Silence, Stillness being but some of the flavors of this Divine innate that may be opened into being.

How do we open into this portal? Just by this shift of identification. By giving the mind tools to entertain it, so that the essential nature of Being is free from the obfuscation of the mind’s clutter. My preferred methods of stepping through into the Infinite are inter alia, meditation, yoga, prayer, nature and Journey work. All really speaking the same language of Truth in different dialects. They distract the mind, release the emotional blocks and allow us to abide as the Infinite, pervasive awareness that is our true nature. From this awareness, healing is not just possible. It is inevitable. And how it works is really none of our business. Some things indeed need to be ascribed to the Great Mystery. This is certainly one of them.


What we can actively do though is draw all of awareness into the moment. This present moment with all its contours, just at it is, is indeed the confluence of the finite and the Infinite. It is the awakened state of being. It is here Now. Here is the portal beyond the finite, beyond time and space. Now is the Infinite, as your soul always knew itself to be!

Be realistic. Plan for a miracle. We are indeed miraculous without needing to prove it with a story, anecdote or even a body! Sometimes though our bodies, our emotions and life’s dramas draw us back into the knowing of this and enforce an application of this knowing. And when it does we can humbly bow to its calling us home with a gratitude so human that its prostration opens us into our Divinity.

Each block will be that reminder to abide as Self. Each healing a reminder to mind that we are not in service to it, but rather in service to this Truth. And each moment a reminder to rest our awareness on this that is our nature. To stay safely ensconced on this side of the portal, where healing and the miraculous are our play ground. Where we abide as this that is Satchidananda, gracefully attuned to the here and now. Healthy. Whole and Healed.

Om Namah Shivaya!

Sat Nam and love,


Yom Kippur: Through Forgiveness into Freedom: Atonement=At-one-ment


There is a distinct and fascinating correlation between our spiritual heart and our health. Sitting at the physical heart center is the thymus gland which is responsible for regulating the body’s immunity against disease. At the exact same location energetically is the heart centre, known in yogic parlance as Anahata chakra. A chakra is a vortex of energy and Anahata, literally translates as unstruck, the soundless sound of all of vibration.

In yoga when we focus our kriya (exercise) or attention at the heart center, we simultaneously work to strengthen the body’s immunity. By doing the physical (yogic) movement at the heart, we are releasing old repressed emotions, perhaps of loss, grief or heartache. Often here we might meet the root of our unworthiness that may be at the core of many of our blockages. Through the movement, the emotions are liberated, experienced in totality and then as with all energy, they shift and release. In its place is infinite space and a renewed, heightened awareness of this space. This may feel like a remembering, which it certainly felt for me. It wasn’t that this space was a new experience. It was as if I had cleared out a closet of debris and in that new space, the truth of what was always there was able to be experienced in its all pervasive nature.

There is no coincidence that there is a physiological and energetic correlation between this emotional release and physical health. Clear the emotions that are sitting in the cells there, and the body reaches back to strengthen against disease and illness. The physical area is strengthened, the emotional aspect is cleared and the energetical vortex is freed from any blockages. Whatever emotions might be present, experienced or released, there is still one final step for full transformation to take place. That is forgiveness.

Today happens to be the Jewish Day of Atonement. It is a day which asks for forgiveness for what is perceived to need forgiveness. This is a fragile concept too, the judgment attached to actions. We might believe in a force outside of ourselves sitting in higher judgment. It might just be our personalized sense of ethics that constrains our actions. Whether it be God or any other personalized notion, I’ll simplify our concept of forgiveness for now, as forgiveness for that which we are ready to let go of, for that which is not in service of our highest interests. Through that forgiveness, be it of others or ourselves, that is where the true healing and liberation takes place.

Yom Kippur, this Day of Atonement is for me not a day of self flagellation or deepening guilt. It is a day of liberation where I clear my body of food and water and through the austerities of fast and focus, I welcome all that is present so it may be experienced in its fullness. I can then let go of that which does not serve me. Today’s dialogue between self and God is a deeply integrated one in which I realize that there is no separation at all in fact. That the concept of forgiveness is not a reaching out but a diving within, to the God self. Through this merger of self and Self, I endeavor to forgive, not just others, which tends to come easily to me, but mostly myself, a much more challenging effort. In this gentle embrace of all acceptance, of non judgment I set myself free. I cultivate a landscape for wholeness and health and set against that backdrop, all may be healed.

In learning the sacred Hebrew language, I learned that the word for sin is ‘chet חט’ except that it does not translate as sin. In fact there is no direct translation for sin. ‘Chet חט’ directly translates as ‘to miss the point’. On this Day of Atonement, may you be liberated from straying from the target of Truth, may your heart be healed, may you release all burden of judgment and separation and may you remember now and always who you truly are. And in the inspired expression of a beautiful soul in Canada, Mary Ann that I read this morning, may ‘atonement’ really be ‘at-one-ment’!


Sat Nam


My Journey

My story is one that needs to be documented. Not just because of its miraculous nature, but because it holds within it, the promise of infinite possibility. It breaks the perceived constraints of limitation and mainly it needs to be written because the urge inside of me to share it keeps waking me up at night. So my soul clearly demands to be heard.

Six months ago, I came to do the Journey Intensive with Brandon Bays. To get a sense of my background, I am a voraciously hungry seeker of Truth. I am an ardent yogini, deeply engaged in the theoretical and practical study of various lineages of yoga as well as a teacher of different forms of yoga. Yoga in addition to various other areas of study has been my passion, my life force, my way of life for many years. I have found within the teachings I have been exposed to, a technology for healing and self transformation, one that has been hugely successful in aiding me to overcome depression, anxiety and generally overhaul my body, mind and kick start my soul. I didn’t even know beforehand what the Journey was. And yet something still brought me to it, a knowing that when I heard Brandon would be visiting Israel, insisted I had to attend the course.

At that time, my sister Kim had been diagnosed and treated for metastasized lung cancer with additional tumours in the brain. Her prognosis was worse than dismal. The doctor’s response to her diagnosis was that “death is not the worst thing.” So I thought maybe this might be something for Kim.

What I experienced at the Intensive in April was the potency of a healing modality, one so simple that the physical body was not even necessary. It felt for me like a concentrated therapy that abridged twenty years of therapy into an hour and a half and was expansively more effective. The beauty for me is that the technique opens a portal into Source, which is the Journey nomenclature for one’s personal expression of God, creation, Divinity and so on. Through Brandon’s divinely inspired technique, Source becomes an accessible point of awareness, which in and of itself is an awakening to Truth. The course literally blew me away. I was flying beyond the realm of understanding, experiencing myself as Truth, a witness to the miraculous healing nature of forgiveness and connection to Source. At closure, people stood up and spoke of spontaneous healings, miraculous tales of remission from cancer, bones growing, eye glasses becomes superfluous. I walked out of there, got Kim on the phone and began to enthuse.

What I hadn’t known during those three days of Journey euphoria was that the doctor’s had told Kim that they had done everything they could and that there was no plan B. That Kim had been crying for the three days that I had been flying.  I told her that this is our plan B. The next day I found her a practitioner in Johannesburg and set up an appointment for the next day. With a prayer for her and a trust that God would bring exactly what was in the realization of the highest good for all, I handed it all over. I let go and let God.

The same day, my son Jay came to me with fascinated interest. Now Jay is not your average spiritual seeker. He’s your typical grounded boy, in love with TV, physicality and with an aversion to all things yogic. Indeed he has been schlepped all over the world to ashrams and courses since a baby, and for many years referred to India and the ashrams we stayed in there as kaka India. In fact we had just returned from 2 months in an ashram in Rishikesh a couple of weeks beforehand. On our return, my house doctor insisted we do some medical checks as Jay’s growth concerned him.

Since he was born, Jay had been very small, his physical body two years smaller than his chronological age. I had done all the necessary medical testing over the years, many of which were invasive to confirm that he did not have a growth hormone deficiency. It was postulated that he had delayed growth that would likely catch up during puberty. After many years (and countless yoga) I was no longer worried, but Jay still felt deeply insecure about his smallness and had to face other children’s teasing about it. It remained a big issue for him.

My GP insisted we test him and keep a measurement of his height which he himself measured on the 17th April. The Journey Intensive ended on the 25th April. Jay, my antiyogi came to me asking me to do a Journey. I put on the children’s Journey CD two days in a row at his request. On Sunday the 28th April, Jay came running into my room yelping with delight. On his own accord, he had measured himself: had grown almost 4 centimetres in ostensibly 11 days!

Later that day, I went in for a massive abdominal surgery that had been scheduled for some time. As I entered into anesthesia, it was as if I descended the ten steps into Source, where I stayed in a blissed out Samadhi like state for the next six weeks, detached from physical pain and ensconced in the envelopment of the Divine embrace.

After these six weeks, we heard that the tumours on Kim’s lungs had disappeared. Two weeks later it was confirmed that there were no detectable tumours left on her brain. She had gone from inevitable death to no cancer in eight Journey sessions.

I have so many more stories to share of how miraculous the Journey has been in my experience. It literally feels like a magical wand that combined with intention, prayer and surrender realizes the highest possible outcome from any given situation. And yet I know that many more stories are yet to be written in the fabric of timelessness. That the infinite possibility revealed through my story is simply a departure point on an endless virtuous cycle of Divine connection.

This last week I attended another Journey Intensive with Brandon Bays in Israel. Here at closure, the energy was entirely different. If six months ago, closure was about the healing power of the body, this closure was entirely different.

A woman stood up and told of how three years ago, her husband had murdered her three children. And yet she was here, in the wake of her own soul’s desire to heal itself, to seek (if not yet find) forgiveness for the most abhorrent act conceivable. If forgiveness could be found for this horror, this was a metaphor for overcoming the impossible, a most cogent metaphor for Israel. This beautiful woman stood as symbolic of the awakening to peace that this country and the people in and around it may realize. She is the reminder of infinite possibility, of the realization of the impossible and the desire for Truth, for Peace and for Love to be known. We have the tools, we have so many emissaries of light working in support of this intention. Let this be the invitation to go into the heart of Truth and expand with the ultimate prayer for a global awakening and a realization of Peace for all.


9 November 2013